words

Trust And Commitment

Usually when we think about harming someone, visions of violence of some kind come to mind. The fact is that much of the greatest damage we do to each other is through angry words we exchange. What makes matters worse is that we tend to do this to the people that mean the most to us.

laughterIf you are walking down the street and someone passing by laughs at the color of your hair, or what you are wearing, you might be embarrassed for a moment, but in the scope of things it really doesn’t matter much and is soon forgotten.

The reason for this is largely about commitment and trust. When we have a long-term relationship with someone, we share things about ourselves that no one else knows. The deeper a relationship becomes, the more trust grows. With each step, we share more intimate personal knowledge. This is an important responsibility in a relationship, as trust is the essential element in any relationship that has a hope of being meaningful.

Commitment is not possible without trust.

Taken to its extreme, psychologists believe that the reason lovers and spouses have pet names for each other and sometimes talk in “baby talk” is that the trust has grown so great that the individuals involved are willing to expose their inner child to a person with whom they have this unquestioning relationship. While the “inner child” concept has become a modern day clich˜, we all know that the hurts and disappointments of our childhood are never very far from the surface; no matter how sophisticated we believe we are.

The fact is that there is no one in the world who knows more about a person’s hopes, dreams, strengths and weaknesses than a loved one or trusted friend. This is not a responsibility to be taken lightly.

Why We Hurt The Ones We Love

Conflict is an inevitable part of life. We are individuals and when we assert ourselves we don’t always agree with those around us. When we differ about things and vigorously debate our point of view, this can be a good and even mentally stimulating thing. Many great ideas arise in this manner.

This issue is more about HOW we express our differing opinions.

argumentIn a disagreement with a boss or co-worker about a work related issue, the content of the debate would be the problem at hand. Stating this in a different way, the discussion would be about the thing, not the people. Attacking some personal quality of a co-worker during a discussion about how much inventory to keep on hand would be considered unacceptable business behavior. If you demonstrated this type of conduct very often you would soon be unemployed.

When we argue with loved ones, however, the scenario is often quite different. A mistake that many of us make is to indeed attack the person instead of sticking to the subject at hand. Worse yet, given the imitate knowledge we have of this individual, we can, in anger, strike at a persons most sensitive areas. This special knowledge is the result of our privileged status as a trusted confidant.

As a result, this type of personal attack is a terrible form of betrayal and an abuse of the trust that the person has placed in us. Our cruel words can hurt more than any physical attack and the resulting wounds may take even longer to heal.

One of the most satisfying human experiences is to build a loving, trusting relationship with another person. If you are ever walking through a park or in your town and see an elderly couple sitting on a bench or walking together holding hands, you are witnessing a small miracle.

These people have achieved a level of relationship that most of us can only dream about. Their trust and confidence in each other has stood the test of time. There is a bond there that most of us can only imagine and admire. That is the payoff for being worthy of someone’s trust

So, the next time you are going to utter a harsh word to a loved one, or a friend, pause for a second and think about what you are about to do.

What’s in a word? Much more than is immediately apparent.

Amy - Teen's Health Expert

By Amy - Teen's Health Expert

Discover the dedicated author behind Teen Health Secrets, an experienced expert committed to providing in-depth knowledge and guidance on various aspects of teen health, ensuring young individuals lead healthy, informed lives.