teen pregnancy

Sixteen, Pregnant and a Mother by Age 17.

My name is Amanda and I was a teenage mom. I am now 22 years old and I live with my 5 year old son, Joshua and my parents. This isn’t an article about pro-choice or pro-life, it’s about what happened to me and how it changed my life in many ways, some ways for the better, and some ways that I will live with forever. It is also about what I would do today if this happened again (which it will not). It’s also about what it’s like to be a teenage parent. I do believe abortion should be legal and available, I just decided not to have one for many reasons.

I live in central Connecticut and am currently attending a community college as I need to live at home right now, so I can help care for and raise my son. This isn’t exactly what I would have planned for my teenage years, but it happened and I made my decisions.

I never got to go to my senior prom or graduate high school with my friends, but I have a wonderful child and now a great relationship with my parents.

So, how did this happen to an ‘A’ student who wasn’t into partying and was looking forward to going to college like the rest of my friends? I’ll tell you and maybe you will learn something from me.

I had a boyfriend for about a year before we became sexually active, well, before we had sexual intercourse that is. We always used condoms and spermicidal jelly, but we didn’t have sex on a regular basis. One night we went to a party at a friends house. Her parents went out for the evening, but they knew there was going to be a party there, but they said no booze or drugs and not to be too noisy.

There was beer and some other drinks there like Zima and those alcoholic lemonades that someone had brought and someone else had a bottle of vodka that they had brought too. There were no other substances there that I knew of. I drank one beer because I wanted one, I definitely wasn’t drunk. So, the night was fairly mellow, but I was tired and really wanted to go home. My boyfriend said fine, he would take me home and go back to the party. I saw him drink several beers, I don’t know how many, but I could smell it on him and he was a bit wired. I was concerned about him driving, it was only about 2 miles from my house, so he said I could drive.

When we got into his van he asked if I had any condoms with me. I said no, because I didn’t think we went there to have sex or that the opportunity would come up that night. He really wanted to have sex with me and I said I didn’t want to and that I had no birth control with me.

He said, I can “pull out in time”, and that lots of guys do that. I told him that was a stupid thing to do and it did not count as birth control and that I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant. Well, we were kissing and stuff and before I knew it he was inside of me, he didn’t rape me, but it happened so fast, I think he was drunker than I realized, maybe I was buzzed too. I tried to get him off of me, but it was too late, he had already had an orgasm.

I was so scared right away, I jumped up, got out of the van and used a tissue to wipe the semen out of me as much as I could, I also told him that he did a really stupid thing and that I better not get pregnant. He said, “you wont”.

I did. I knew even before I missed my period that I was pregnant. My breasts were sore and I was so nauseated all day and I never had anything like that before. My best bud and I went to a clinic like a planned parenthood about 4 weeks later, sure enough my pregnancy test came up positive.

I had always believed in abortion, but now I was pregnant and for some reason I can’t explain, it was different now. I wondered what this baby would be like, who it might grow up to be.

I talked to a counselor at the clinic several times. No one was pushing abortion or adoption, we just talked about my options. I was about 6 weeks pregnant at the time. In Connecticut you did not need parental consent to have an abortion at the time, but I knew I wanted to tell my mom anyway, I needed to tell her since we had a close relationship and I think she knew I was having sex with my boyfriend.

My mother and I talked about it for several days and I decided that I would have the baby and give it up for adoption, my mother did not influence my decision. My school had a special program for pregnant teens to go to instead of going to my high school. I went there for a couple of days and I hated it. I had been a very good student and the girls there were from all over the county and were very different from me, many didn’t even read very well. After a lot of talking with the principal of my school, we decided for me to be home-schooled. It was the best decision at the time. I could work at my own pace and eat right and exercise during my pregnancy. I was determined to take good care of this baby. My boyfriend agreed that giving the baby up for adoption was what he wanted too. We were no longer seeing each other and there was no way I was going to marry him. I still wanted to go to college and have a career, not a family, not yet…

I found a very good obstetrician, my mother insisted I get good prenatal care and I knew it was important, so I found a great doctor who just happened to be a woman. I had always been on the thin side, but wow, my belly was growing quickly and I felt hungry all of the time. I was still my lean self, but I was starting to have a very round belly as early as 16 weeks into my pregnancy.

I was doing well with my school work and I don’t really remember when I decided that I wanted to keep my baby. I think it was around the 5th month of pregnancy when I started to feel the baby move. Some of my friends didn’t want anything to do with me, I think they were embarrassed to be seen with me. But, my good friends came by and we still went to the mall, to the movies and went shopping. That’s when I started to notice baby clothes I think.

I talked to my mom about these feelings. She thought they were very normal since I was now looking pregnant and feeling movement inside of me. I think in a way she wanted me to keep the child, but she never said that exactly. One day in my sixth month I asked her what she thought about me keeping the baby and if she and my dad would help me so I could go to college.

At first she was surprised and nervous. She had two kids of her own and she didn’t want anymore. BUT, this was her daughter asking her for help and I guess she couldn’t say no. It was also her grandchild too. So, that is when we started to make a ‘plan’. We talked about her working part time and about me staying home with the baby for the first couple of years.

Anyway, the months went by so quickly now that I look back, but at the time it seemed to be a long time to be pregnant.

My doctor was wonderful, I think having a woman as an obstetrician is what I would do if I ever have any other children. She treated me like an adult and not like some stupid teenager (which I often felt like when people would look at me and my belly, that is an article for another time!)

I went into labor when I was at home a week before my due date. I had taken a couple of natural childbirth classes at the hospital, but nothing prepared me for this. I was in labor for about 10 hours, it was painful and I was so tired that they did give me an epidural and then it was much easier, but I did most of the hard part before that anyway. My mother and my best friend were with me, they were great, they massaged my back and helped me to remember to do the breathing techniques I had learned in class.

My baby was a boy and he was 8.25 pounds and I couldn’t believe all the hair he had on his head, that was the first thing I thought when I saw him and of course I was glad he was out of me ALREADY! Labor is hard work.

So, that is most of my story. I didn’t have a baby because I wanted ‘something to love’ like some people I met in the childbirth class. I made a mistake by getting pregnant, I should have left the van before my drunk boyfriend and I got too into what we were doing, but that is the past and I have learned a lot from it.

What I would say to other teens is FIRST, don’t get pregnant in the first place. How you keep that from happening is YOUR personal decision. Either don’t have sex or use birth control, it IS that simple. Yes, I believe in abortion too, if that is right for the person who decides to have one. I am now on Depo-Provera, I am not dating anyone, but at least I know I can’t get pregnant if and when I want to date someone.

It’s a lot harder meeting guys now with a baby, but I am sure one day I will meet one. Right now I just want to finish college. I’m not sure what I really want to do, but I still have time. I couldn’t have done any of this without the love and support of my parents and especially my mother and my close friends. Thank you to all who helped me; I know how lucky I was to have your support. Thanks to “A” also.

~ Amanda in Connecticut, USA ~

See Teen Pregnancy Rates in the USA by Victor C. Strasburger, MD for his opinion on why the US has such a high rate of teen pregnancy.

Teenage Pregnancy Facts in the United States:

  • The United States has the highest teenage pregnancy rate of all developed countries.
  • About 1 million teenagers become pregnant each year; 95% of those pregnancies are unintended, and almost one third end in abortion.
  • Public costs from teenage childbearing totaled $120 billion from 1985 — 1990; $48 billion could have been saved if each birth had been postponed until the mother was at least 20 years old.
  • Birth rates during 1991 — 1996 declined for teenagers in all racial and ethnic groups.
  • Birth rates among teenagers vary substantially from state to state; some states have rates almost three times higher than those of the states with the lowest rates.
  • 13 community partnerships in 11 states are implementing comprehensive, integrated youth programs to prevent teenage pregnancies and related problems.
  • 8 nongovernmental organizations are supported to assist states to develop and implement strategies to prevent pregnancy among teenagers.
  • Statistics from the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention – CDC’s Reproductive Health Information Source

Resources in the United States:

Planned Parenthood
1-800-230-PLAN – 24 hour hotline will direct you to the clinic nearest to you.

America’s Pregnancy Helpline
1-888-4-OPTIONS – provides counseling and information regarding pregnancy options.

Emergency Contraception Information Project
1-888-NOT-2-LATE (1-888-668-2528)

National Office of Post Abortion Trauma
1-800-593-2273

National Abortion Federation
1-800-772-9100

National Adoption Center
1-800-862-3678 – dedicated to expanding adoption opportunities in the U.S.

Post-Abortion Project Rachel
1-800-5WE-CARE

Children of the World – (if you want to adopt)
1-973-239-0100

The Independent Adoption Center
1-800-877-6736

Update – July 2003 — there are more resources in the U.S.A. on the Hotline page.

Click to see what the abortion laws are in your state and to see the marriage laws in your state.

New – Pregnancy Articles

Resources on the Web:

http://www.teenparents.org

Planned Parenthood
www.plannedparenthood.org

For Adoption Options and Information
www.adoption.com

Fact Sheets For Teen Parents

If you are not pregnant, visit the
National Organization to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Pregnancy – How Do you Know?

Hotlines

Amy - Teen's Health Expert

By Amy - Teen's Health Expert

Discover the dedicated author behind Teen Health Secrets, an experienced expert committed to providing in-depth knowledge and guidance on various aspects of teen health, ensuring young individuals lead healthy, informed lives.