Teen Dating Violence – It Does Happen!

Dating violence is defined as the perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple on the other member within the context of dating or courtship. This violence encompasses any form of sexual assault, physical violence, and verbal or emotional abuse.

Would you know what to do if you were faced or possibly you are in a relationship with someone that is not treating you right. Or, maybe you have a friend who is being abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend is controlling you in ways that make you feel bad. Such as you they want to know and question where you have been or who you have been with all the time. They may show distrust in you, follow you, make you call them all the time to check in with them.

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with other friends. Do they bully you and or threaten you? Do they follow you where ever you go or show up if you are doing something away from them and just watch you?

How about hurting you physically? Perhaps they may just grab your arm to hard and hurt you. Then tell you they are sorry and do it again and each time it gets a little worse.

Here are some warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship with someone.

•  Your boy/girl friend makes you feel guilty all the time.
• Your boy/girl friend puts you down.
• Your boy/girl friend yells at you.
• Your boy/girl friend slaps, pushes, hits, or kicks you or threatens to do so.
• Your boy/girl friend uses physical force on you.
• He/She forces you to have sex when you say NO or possibly wont use protection during sex.
• Forces you to do things you are not comfortable doing.
• Uses drugs or alcohol and forces you to use it also and if you say no are you afraid of what he/she might do to you.
• If you break up with him/her they refuse to accept it and harasses or stalks you.
• Calls you things that hurts, such as degrading things alone or in front of others.
• Takes your money and/or controls your money.
• Possessive or jealous of you and or friends or family.
• Insists you don’t go places without him/her.
• Hurts you in any way, then tells you how sorry they are, they may even cry, and promises to never do it again and then it happens all over again .

This is called the Cycle of Abuse, and it wont stop till you have the courage to speak up and say, “No More!” If you answered yes to any of these things above, you are not in a healthy relationship with someone. It might start out as little small things, but over time someone that is abusive will get worse.

The important thing to know is that domestic violence happens to teens as well, and it’s not your fault and most important – you cannot change someone else. This is serious and you need to tell someone. Don’t be silent about it – speak up and break the silence and end it. Perhaps you have a friend that is being abused. Don’t be afraid to confront them on it. Let them know you see the things their boyfriend or girlfriend is doing and that you want to help them get help. Offer to go with them to tell someone.

If someone hurts you or makes you feel scared or bad in any way, it is most important to talk about it and tell someone what is going on. Tell your parents, a teacher or another adult you can trust. You can also go to a local domestic violence program in your area for help. If you are unsure of that, just look in the yellow pages under “Abuse” or “Domestic Violence.” (Check out our Hotlines List) The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US is: 800-799-7233

If you are ever faced in a situation where your boyfriend or girlfriend is threatening to hurt you call the police (911) for help immediately.” You Are Not Alone”.
Most of this article was written for us by:

Tia Hamm / Founder Silent Tears, Inc. ” Online Support for Victims of Domestic Violence” –Thank you Tia!

For More, check out the links on the Anger Page…

Check out Violence and Teenagers… and Avoiding Anger if they are of interest, there are also videos for the same topics and our Violence article too. You might also want to read more on Self-esteem… you do not deserve to be treated this way, you are a valuable and unique person.

Dating violence is defined by the United States Department of Justice as: “the perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple on the other member within the context of dating or courtship”. This also includes dating between same sex couples, although most statistics have been gathered from heterosexual couples. Statistics show that one in three teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through some kind of abuse. Dating violence crosses all economic, racial and social lines; most victims are young women who are also at higher risk for serious injury.

Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence — nearly 20 per 1000 women. (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2001)

Young women need a dating safety plan. (Intimate violent partner – so that includes homosexual dating). Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:

• Are inexperienced with dating relationships.
• Want independence from parents.
• Have romanticized views of love.
• Are pressured by peers to have dating relationships.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others. Young men may believe:

• They have the right to “control” their female partners in any way necessary.
• “Masculinity” is physical aggressiveness
• They “possess” their partner.
• They should and can demand intimacy.
• They may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:

• They are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
• Their boyfriend’s jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is “romantic.”
• Abuse is “normal” because their friends are also being abused.
• They think they can “cure” the abusive boyfriend
• There is no one to ask for help.

Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship. Teens can choose better relationships when they understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect.

Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive: Extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, quick involvement, mood swings, alcohol and drug use, explosive anger, isolates you from friends and family, uses force during an argument, shows hypersensitivity, blames others for his problems or feelings, verbally abusive, has abused former partners, threatens you with violence.

Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:

• Physical signs of injury
• Truancy, and or dropping out of school
• Failing grades
• Changes in mood or personality
• Use of drugs/alcohol — where there was no prior use
• Emotional outburst
• Isolation from friends and family

Help is available for teenagers! If you are a teenager involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened.

Dating Safety

You may want to consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person. Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time you expect to be home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.

Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs. If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.

Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, try to be stay calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

Teen Dating Statistics

About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship. Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners. In 1995, 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends. One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship. One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence. A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship. One study found that 38 percent of date rape victims were young women from 14 to 17 years of age. A survey of adolescent and college students revealed that date rape accounted for 67 percent of sexual assaults.

More than half of young women raped (68 percent) knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance. Six out of 10 rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative’s home, not in a dark alley. More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involves non-married persons ( Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2001) (Other statistic from the U.S. Department of Justice).

If someone hurts you or makes you feel scared or bad in any way, it’s important to talk about it and tell someone what is happening. Tell your parents, a teacher or another adult you can trust. You can also go to a local domestic violence program in your area for help. If you are unsure of that, just look in the yellow pages under “Abuse” or “Domestic Violence.” (Check out our Hotlines List)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the USA is: 800-799-7233

See Violence and Teenagers, What Should Parents Know – Good info in there.

For more on Violence…

Statistics from the US Department of Justice – 2003 – www.usdoj.gov

Updated: August, 2022