The World of Dating

The world of dating is an important part of being a teenager . At one age or another, you will view your relationships with the opposite sex differently. Sometimes hormones influence you to have new feelings about members of the opposite sex or sometimes the same sex. You might become physically attracted to your guy friend who you used to just hang out with. You may find yourself wanting to be in a “relationship.”

A relationship is a friendship you have with a person that’s more than just a friendship. It involves a deeper and different level of commitment to another person. It’s one that identifies the two of you as being a “couple.” It might mean spending your free time together, confiding in one another, or just hanging out together. You might phone each other every night and talk for hours, you might go places together – like the mall, or the movies. It might also mean a physical relationship – one that may involve touching, kissing and more.

What Girls Really Look For In Guys…

According to an American survey, the most important qualities that a boy must have for a girl to go out with him are (in this order):

• Intelligence.
• Good looks and body, but not necessarily handsome.
• A good conversationalist = “easy to talk to.”
• Sincere and honest; “not just out for sex.”
• Confident, but not conceited.
• Sense of humor – fun to be with.
• “Well groomed, doesn’t take drugs or drink alcohol to excess.”
• Romantic and affectionate.
• Popular at school.
• Gentleness.

What Guys Really Look For In Girls…

From the same survey, boys were asked, “What are the most important qualities that a girl must have for you to want to go out with her?” Here were their top ten answers:

• Good looks and a good body, but not necessarily stunning — “and if she has an awful personality, I won’t ask her out again.”
• Friendliness.
• Intelligence.
• A sense of humor.
• Honest; “doesn’t play head-games or tease.”
• Similar interests and values.
• “She has to be able to talk to me.”
• Sexually honest; “I wouldn’t like her to be a prude, but I don’t want her to have been out with a lot of other boys.”
• Outgoing, not shy.
• Mature; “I’d like her to have a serious side.”

Dating is about choice. Girls and guys, both have the ability to ask anyone they find attractive, interesting or fun out on a date. What do you look for in your dating partner? If you want a happy, healthy relationship, here are some suggestions:

Acceptance

A very important part of a relationship is the way in which the two people involved handle the imperfections of each other. In this world, we aren’t going to be perfect or find a perfect person to love. Humans are just not perfect. Through dating, you can learn how to accept the imperfections in the person you are seeing and also in other people in your life.

Connection

A relationship is about emotional connection. Your attachments to others are called “bonds.” Bonds are formed and maintained by someone’s ability to share and connect from the heart with all of its feelings and emotional vulnerabilities. Sometimes we connect with another person and logically we really don’t know why, but we still do.

Boundaries

An important aspect of any relationship is to respect each other’s personal boundaries. A boundary is an invisible line that defines where you end and someone else begins. Good relationships have a high degree of respect for each person respecting the other’s “person.”

Equality

Unhealthy relationships often have one partner who always has to be the boss and is the self-appointed “parent.” They relate to the other person primarily in terms of “shoulds,” telling them what they should do and not do. In adult relationships and marriages this does not work out well. In a dating relationship both people are worthy of respect. A teenage female is the equal of a teenage male and a man is the equal of a woman. Remember that.

Self-Love

It is very difficult for anyone else to like you if you don’t like yourself first. Don’t think that no one will ever go out with you if you are not dating anyone. When you feel good about yourself, you are more attractive to other people. If necessary, make a list of all your good qualities. This will give you confidence and you might even discover something new about yourself. You are a special person after all!

Adolescent dating is based more around experimenting with romantic feelings than around deep emotions of love or intimacy. This is not to say that two teenagers cannot be in love, but for many teens the idea of having a date can often be more important that the relationship itself.

What Are Boyfriends Or Girlfriends For?

A relationship should offer many things before you consider having sex. You may not find everything on the following list. As long as you both enjoy some of the benefits of a relationship, it can be a good one. You can give each other:

• Company & companionship
• Fun
• Friendship
• Happiness
• Help with problems
• Love
• Respect
• Sharing
• Someone to talk to, care for, lean on, laugh with, cry with, go out with
• Support
• Understanding

You might not find all these qualities in one person.
Make a list for yourself and decide what is important to you!

• Check out Dating Violence if you are dating someone new or know a friend who may need the info.